It’s a bright and sunny morning at the end of my garden and I am greeted by the scent of onions as I walk into the kitchen. I have been up early, getting ready for work by the sun. I walk to my computer to write and was shocked when I reached a blank screen. I felt slightly embarrassed that I had somehow slipped a word over the edge of my keyboard and now I have nothing to do that matters. I must be getting on and did I mention the temperature is a balmy 46 degrees?
The question of working later does have an answer. I wake up early and work most of the morning but rarely do my work. The majority of my day is spent in school, going on learning days, tutoring, and finally, lunchtime reading assignments. Some of my team have commented on my laziness and urge me to do my work. I am then able to get my work in at the end of the day, get the end of the term and start of the next.
My Tutoring colleagues would surely say I have a happier existence in school, but what do they know? As I carry on by the sun’s rays, she giggles as the children run over to us to work on their maths problems.
As I write and process my thoughts on what to write today, I discover I am really worried about writing my report for the next board session. I try to write it quickly so as not to get too heated and then get stuck for words and feel my heart fall out. I sit there and stare at the computer screen without a word coming out. I start crying as I realise this is my day to start writing.
When I sit there I feel impotent. The heavy workload over-time for classwork and the workload for my tutoring is taking all the time. I am tired and drowsy. What good could come of this afternoon?
As I start to write I fall ill. I feel really heavy, my stomach is tied up in knots and I can’t write. I think about handing in the report and regret it. I wish I had written this the day before to get a jump on the follow-up. The report is well worth it, I know, but as I write, my mind wanders to how tired I am and I think how I would spend my time better.
I go for a walk and walk around the park trying to think of a different perspective. I tell myself that work should not be dominating all aspects of my life and that I have the opportunity to do more other things.
When I finally get some time to think, I write my report. What’s in it for me? I am not exactly sure, but it is a good thing and I feel proud of myself.
Anil Tyagi is a teacher in west London. His views and experiences are shared here for publication purposes only.
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